One step forward, two steps back

Muse

The things that worry me about the war, and the eventual end, started back in New Year's day (April 14th in Sri Lanka).

That was the day they showed the celebrations in Kilinochchi. The leader of the forces there was symbolically invited into the city by an Arachchi wearing what seemed to be an extremely Sinhalese costume, talking classically "old village" Sinhala.

Now, it's not the action or the symbolic welcome that I am against. It was the implementation of it. If they had done it with a Tamil-looking arachchi, wearing a verti instead of a sarong, if they had made some concession to the fact that Kilinochchi was a historically Tamil area, then I would not have minded it so much. The event was a symbol. A symbol that the area of Kilinochchi was under LKGOV control. But even symbols must be handled with care.

And then there was the speech by The Beast.

Giving a speech that says we have won is acceptable, but using heavily popularised icons of polarization is just stupid. If you read the victory speeches of the greats like Lincoln and Churchill, you will see that all they have said was something like it's over. we won. I thank the troops and God.

Whatever they may have felt in private, they refrained from attacking the country in their speech.

In his victory speech to Parliament The Beast mentioned Dutugemunu as a great hero, and, almost in the same breath, Elara as a usurper and conqueror.

The problem here is not that Elara was a usurper/conqueror who came down from India and took over. He was, but even the Mahavamsa calls Elara a wise and just king. It wasn't that Dutugemunu was doing the same thing that Elara did - namely, attacking a land that was not his so that he could get more power. The problem is that we are taught that the Elara-Dutugemunu fight was one between the Sinhalese and Tamils that the Sinhalese won.

This could not be further from the truth. It is the nature of birds to fly, of fish to swim, and of kings to conquer. That was all that it was. But the problem is what we are taught. In school I was taught many stories of Dutugemunu as part of history. One of the stories involved how Dutugemunu's mother came to find him asleep in a big bed all curled up. Why are you sleeping all curled up? she asked.

he answered , How can I stretch my arms and legs? In the North is the evil Tamil, to the South is the deep blue sea (හැඩි දෙමළු).

A historical story. A children's fairy tale. A vehicle for racial hatred. I was lucky my parents never taught me that. But I heard it in school. How many Tamil people heard the same story with a different twist for their race? It was much, much later that we heard about Dutugemunu considering Elara a honoured enemy and building a monument to him. In fact I don't think I learned that at school.

This is why referencing the Elara-Dutugemunu war was a mistake.

I would like to think that both of what happened was an honest mistake. A simple error in judgment from a speechwriter who didn't understand the connotations of what he said. But the problem is that he did say it. A golden opportunity to help the situation was squandered in words that created more harm. Now the LKGOV has to go further, and faster to regain trust.

So it's one step forward and two steps back.

Where the LTTE went wrong

Muse

It's Monday. It's Morning. It's Monday Morning Quarterback time.

The news is all over that the LTTE has been defeated. Prabhakaran is probably dead. (Though the LKGOV's statements are best taken with a grain or ten of salt - remember the 60,000 civillians who suddenlt became 200,000?) But the LTTE are pretty much done.

It was almost funny to see them make a statement that We have decided to silence our guns.

Almost.

Now I guess its time to look back and see where the went wrong. After all, hindsight is 20/20.

• Killing Rajiv Gandhi

  Yes, there isn't any proof. But it seems obvious that the LTTE did kill Rajiv Gandhi in 1991 (it feels a lot longer). Biting the hand that feeds you is not a recommended tactic. And that alone cost the LTTE a lot.

• Not quitting while they were ahead

  1999 to 2004 was the best time for the LTTE. They had a de facto country, and they were in a very strong bargaining position. If Prabhakaran had played it right he could have got a place in parliament. Sure they can bring down weapons. Sure they can ready for war. As someone once said, There is no peace. There is only 'Open fire!' and 'I need to reload!'

  Both sides were reloading as fast as possible. LKGOV not so fast because they were running out of cash, but the LTTE were going great guns (pun only partially intended).

  But by refusing to talk and try to fix the problem instead of keeping on fighting, the LTTE lost what was a golden opportunity.

• Killing Lakshman Kadirgamar

  Lakshman Kadirgamar would probably have been the greatest ally the LTTE had. A senior player in the political field, a Tamil from Jaffna, a Christian (like Prabhakaran), and an internationally recognised figure. It is possible to see a pragmatist like him helping to bring the LTTE into the mainstream and political process if they had ever shown some willingness to do so. Despite all that, they killed him. This was guaranteed to ensure that they were not taken seriously in the political level, as well as that they would lose support of the moderate Tamils.

• Helping The Beast win

  This is possibly the biggest mistake that the LTTE made. They took money from The Beast to make sure that the Jaffna populace didn't vote and that The Beastwon.

  Maybe they felt that they could win. Maybe they figured that this would be another war like the other wars. No matter what they felt, they sold themselves for a few million rupees. One hopes that it was worth it.

Looking back you can always go what the fuck was I thinking!!!??

And most of the time we don't know. As the old saying goes it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I want YOU.. to spy for the Government

Rant

Isn't it fucking fun? The LKGOV wants us to report all foreigners who are criticising the LKGOV and the Glorious Forces (sounds like a band from the 70s). The Ministry of Immigration & Emmigration even has a phone number for people to use as a hotline. And the media (radio stations especially) are shouting it out at the top of their lungs. In fact, they are asking you to report anyone, no matter what the skin colour.

This pisses me off mightily. The LKGOV is so scared of criticism and people showing what fuckups are happening that they want to have people spying on each other. Kind of like The Spies Among Us. Very KGB and Hitlerian.

Of course, some of you may approve of it. I won't tell you not to. After all, it's a free country (as long as you don't criticise The Beast, or the LKGOV, or The Glorious Victorious Humanitarian Forces, or Mad Merv, or pretty much anyone in power). The LKGOV loves people like you.

But anyway, if this pissses you off as much as it does me, read on.

I'm not going to go on about how fucked up and screwed up all this is. You all know it is. Lets talk about how this is unimplementable.

Point the first, hearsay is not applicable in a court of law. There are exceptions of course, but that is the gist of it. Point the second, how are you going to report someone? Call them up and say Yes, I was in a bus and heard these people criticising the Glorious Peacekeeping Government. No, I don't know who they are, but they must be somewhere in Colombo. Point the third, how are they going to make sure if it happened? Or do they just deport people on your say-so? Nice way to get rid of any honkies you don't like. A white guy takes your seat at the bar? Call the hotline. Cool huh?

So there it is, a wonderful PR stunt, that is unimplementable.

Now... Wanna have some fun?

This is so open to having fun and abusing it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

Let's take the procedure a step at a time shall we?

Step 1:

Do not use your phone! They may have caller ID, and that doesn't make it fun. Use a phone booth. Don't use a Communication Center, why get some innocent fucker in trouble?

Step 2:

Call the number they gave - 0115329380

Step 3:

Tell them you heard someone criticisng the Glorious Wonderful Loving Kind Government Of Free Sri Lanka, who promise to give us candy, and cheap food, and even a pony once the people are saved from the Evil Child-Raping Mother-Molesting Henious LTTE Terrorists.

Step 4:

When they ask you who, where, and what they said, try the following.

• Ranil Wickramasinghe, in Parliament, criticised the LKGOV for not carrying out the war properly and to the utmost
• Hillary Clinton, David Miliband, and Bernard Kouchner, in multiple statements, accused the LKGOV of "failure to protect civilians."
• Gordon Weiss, in a report to AFP, accused the LKGOV of shelling the CFZ and killing 100 children (which we all know can't happen because the LKGOV doesn't use any heavy weapons there).
• M. Karunanidhi, in many interviews, criticised the Glorious LKGOV

If you're feeling particularly nasty, tell them your mom, last night, just after I fucked her.

Step 5: (Optional)

Laugh horribly

Good luck, I've got some phone calls to make.

EDIT 2350LKT - Added link to news report quoting hotline number.

Life, Love, and Hookers

Muse

The time is 0645.

I just spent the last ten hours with some friends of mine who had flown down from the US.

First we went to Cheers for alcohol, and then we spent a large amount of time looking for a place to drink, because Cheers closes down at 0200.

We ended up in a hook joint. Want something more specific? It was a whorehouse. A place of ladies of negotiable virtue. It was also a club, with a large dancefloor and techno music. But primarily it was a hook joint. You'd go there for a drink and a dance and a bed in the back. That's where we were.

And as according to the policy there, (or at least according to what I could see) all guests are to be escorted and accompanied by a hostess, our table was joined by one. Our table. Our table which had four guys and two women.

I have to say, the place had a lot of lovely young ladies. In various shapes and sizes to cater to every taste. From the tall and thin, to the stocky to the petite. All in various kinds of clothing. ranging from the short, to the tight jeans, to the semi-business suit that the woman with us was wearing.

The thing is, the woman with us reminded me way too much of the 'Softie.

It's been over a year since we broke up, and I have not seen her in a very long time. But this hooker reminds me of her She looks like her. She sounds like her. And she's sitting next to me. And she's sitting next to me in the same way that the 'Softie used to. Next to me and a little away from me, but with some form of physical contact. Watching me and my friends go crazy and do crazy shit. I am quite drunk.

My friends note her interest in me. Or, lets face it, interest in the little that's in my wallet. Nice guys - and girls - they are, they egg her on. This is going to be hilarity for everyone. And so she does hit on me. Makes it quite obvious that she is available if I have the cash.

But I have to refuse because she looks like the 'Softie. There was this massive temptation to talk to her. To just chat. To flirt. There was a temptation to take her up on the offer. There was a temptation to take her and fuck her like it was going out of style.

But I didn't. The power imbalance was way too wrong. Because there was also the temptation to take her in my arms and comfort her (as if she needed comforting) and say let me take you away from all this

She would have all the power and I would probably be just the dupe.

It doesn't have to be that way. After all, as far as I'm concerned prostitution is just a profession. She sells her body, I sell my mind, and as a friend of mine once said we both whore out or dignity for cash.

There are cases where men have married pornstars. There are fairytales where men have married hookers. I have no problems with hitting on a woman and finding out she's a hooker. I don't have issues with marrying one or anything like that. But starting off at this point and getting into a relationship with her is a non-happening thing. If i ask her and she takes it professionally instead of personally, I'll end up blowing all my cash on someone who doesn't care about me. Not that I haven't done it before many times, but no one who didn't care about me went out of her way to make sure she gets every centavo I have (this maybe because I am seriously lacking in centavos). If she takes it personally, I'll always be worrying if she's with me, or with my full-of-cobwebs wallet. On the other hand, I would always be wondering if i was with her, or the 'Softie in my head. And she would be too.

So as we left, in memory of the 'Softie I left her a thumping tip. And I walked away.

My PSP Saga

Muse

My life seems full of sagas.

No, not the Norse kind. Not like Gilgamesh. Or Odysseus. In fact not like anyone cool at all. It's just things that happen. And happen. And happen. And then end up becoming this weird uber-crazy insane thing that kind of snowballs into the stuff of legend. Or possibly cautionary tale.

I had a laptop saga. I got in more trouble that my life is worth. And for some people I am more trouble than I am worth. But the thing is, these sagas (I keep having the urge to call them by the faux-Latin sagae) make are what makes my life (almost) worth living. It definitely makes my life worth blogging.

This, as if the title wasn't a clue, is my PSP saga.

Many, many moons ago the 'Softie gave me a PSP gaming console for my birthday. It was way cool. I loved it. I never realised how cool it was to play games on it until I tried it.

I was one of the generation that grew up on LCD-based hand-held games. Absent the gaming consoles popular in America, we made do with little game-and-watch machines. Mario would forever climb the scaffolding, and Donkey Kong, and his side-kick Donkey Kong Jr. would constantly swing on the vines.

We had a few gaming arcades, usually a small shop with either Space Invaders or Galaga. One even had the table version of Centipede. But they all disappeared when someone went to Las Vegas and discovered that you could get electronic gambling machines, and made them popular here. Admittedly before the disappearance they became extremely popular, everyone seemed to have a gambling machine on the premises. But that soon finished when the Premadasa government discovered them too. Like all governments, they maintained that vices could only be legal if they (or their hench-men) were getting a cut of it. So all arcade games were declared illegal, confiscated, and destroyed. Even the purely game machines.

During that time, I played a version of Pong on a machine connected to the TV. And various games on my Sinclair ZX Spectrum (16 colours! 16k of RAM! WOOHOO!). My introduction to PCs brought games like Thexder and Leisure Suit Larry. Bootleg copies of Prince of Persia, Turbo Outrun, Death Track, and Golden Axe filled my nights and Poya days. I played Wolf3d, Doom, and Duke Nukem 3D. I got into Dune, Warcraft, Starcraft, and Diablo. I spent many a sleepless night trying to take over the world in Civilization.

OK! I'll get on with my story. Sheesh! I was just trying to lay some foundation here. So the Saga continues..

Anyway, I loved the PSP. I played it, and I possibly got a little obsessed with it. My friend Bud helped me hack the firmware and get it to use software on a MemoryStick Duo. It was a cool machine, and it went many places with me.

Then sometime during SFD2007, while I was taking part in an event, it went missing. Since it was in my bag, and put away (I thought) safely, I have to figure it was stolen.

I was pissed off. I was also more than a little disgusted that someone would steal from my bag during an event. But there it was. Or more to the point, there it was not.

So I no longer had a PSP. That was 15 levels of piss-offing. Hey it's my blog and I can make up words if I want to.

That wasn't the worst thing that happened that year, but sometimes I think it was the kick-off point.

I went on without it of course. It was a luxury, and I could do without it. Or I kept telling myself.

But I really missed it after my accident. I was confined to bed for two weeks, unable to move. I couldn't concentrate enough to blog. In fact I was - to use a medical technical term - pretty fucked up. I wanted to have something, anything to take my mind off what had happened, and more than once, more than 10 times, I found myself saying/thinking/wishing damn! I wish I had the fucking PSP!

Since I lost the PSP I had been trying to buy one. I had my eye on the Darth Vader PSP. Then the screaming purple one. But I never had the money. I also wanted the PSP-1000. This was the original model and was guaranteed to be hackable.

Today, after more than a little work, I have some cash. Did a few contracts, and I have decided that a PSP would be mine. I went looking for a PSP-1000, but all they had was a P!nk special edition. And since it was endorsed by and promoting Pink the artist, it was also, obviously, pink in colour. Not just pink, but Pink! A flaming pink that would have guys in fashionable clothes trying to chat me up. It was also about LKR10,000 more expensive than the PSP-2000.

I also decided against the PSP-3000 because 6 months after launch it has not been hacked. This either means that the PSP-3k is a) unhackable because Sony learned from their mistakes, or b) Dark Alex has been bought or killed (or both).

So with the toss up between the 1000 and 2000, I guess I'll be buying the 2k. I haven't bought it yet, I am at the Majestic City food court having lunch and trying to get my thoughts in order.

If I can sneak aboard a hotspot I'll be uploading this soon.

If not, it will be when I get to TLC.

So the PSP will be bought. Probably a 2000. And Bud and I will get together and create a Pandora battery with his PSP-1000 and hack mine.

And I will have a PSP in my hands again.

Mahinda: Bandaranaike For A New Generation

Muse

Do you remember a certain chap called Solomon West Ridgeway Dias Bandaranaike? Nice old fella, so intent on servicing, I'm sorry I mean serving his country that he converted to Buddhism so he could win votes. He then broke away from the UNP and went on to become Prime Minister with his newly formed Sri Lanka Freedom Party.

Oh, and before I forget, he did it on the platform of the Sinhala Only in 24 Hours promise. A minor thing of course, but worth mentioning I think.

And now we have Mahinda, (aka The Beast) who is the SWRD for the new generation.

When SWRD came into power he came in saying that the Sri Lanka was a Sinhalese nation and that he would make Sinhala the official language in 24 hours. It took a bit longer than that, but the Sinhalese majority, stupid fucks that they are, voted them in, resulting in the The Ceylon (Constitution) Order in Council. we should hope they were happy. And I also hope that those who voted for this act can now see what pain the country is going through because of them.

In 2005, The Beast went vote hunting. His primary platform was that he would win the war. The civil war that we have been facing for the last 30-something years. The one that we have been dealing with since SWRD decided that he could waltz into power by catering to the brain-dead masses. In fact, he did the same thing that The Beast did 50 years later.

Of course he couldn't do it alone this time. He managed to use some of his ill-gotten gains from the Helping Hambantota fund and paid off the LTTE in order to ensure that Tamil voting would be suppressed. There was another benefit to the LTTE too. A government which is willing to go to war would mean a renewal of the conflict. And when you have a conflict going, you can get more support. More aid. And not to mention more offers of help if the two of you would just stop fighting. War and conflict is big business.

So the Tamil people, many of whom would have voted against The Beast and his pro-war stance were not allowed to vote. And he managed to barely squeak in by just over 180,000 votes. Which wasn't what SWRD did, but he got in didn't he?

And so, like SWRD initiated Sinhala Only, Mahinda starts the war. He blames it on the LTTE and their closing of the Mavil Aru canal. The LTTE blames it on the LKGOV not giving them the aid that was supposed to go to the people of the area. The point is, that both sides were spoiling for a war, and a war was what we got.

This war was brought on to us by a politician willing to sacrifice the people and prosperity of the country for his own political gain. SWRD sacrificed the stability of the country by creating Sinhala Only, and The Beast did so by restarting a war and sacrificing the lives of millions.

Now its time to cue the people screaming but we're going to win the war!!

I know. We are. But the Sinhala Only Act didn't create the LTTE until close onto 20 years later. And it will take less time than that for the actions of The Beast to bear fruit.

Already the people are screaming for Sinhala majority privilege. The JVP is already screaming that since the war has been won by the Sinhalese, there is no necessity to give anything to the Tamils.

The problem with the JVP is that they are a good barometer of how the common man thinks. I don't think they are the voice of the common man, but they are very good at saying things that will be palatable and even attractive to the unwashed masses. If the JVP is saying this, its a good bet that there are many people who are thinking this.

So The Beast started a war. He wants to go down in history as the person who ended the LTTE. But will this be the end?

SWRD wanted to be known as the person who made the Sinhalese the top of the Sri Lankan food chain. It was due to his actions that we are where we are right now.

Unfortunately my crystal ball is broken. So we'll have to wait for history to happen before we can say what the consequences of The Beast's actions are.

And the problem with history is that we all have to suffer through it until it gets done.

Corpse Hunting

Muse

I went looking for a corpse today.

My friend Daniel had not been seen in two weeks, and we were all starting to be a bit worried about the guy. After all, the fucker drives around in a little 49cc mosquito bike. So when the Emmster called a search for him because we hadn't seen the fucker in close onto 2 weeks, and his facebook account didn't show any activity, we started worrying about where he was.

This morning, Emmster and Razzle asked if I could come to the Colombo General hospital to see if he was there, how could I refuse?

So I went off to Colombo General to see if the guy had been admitted, and I, of course, had a tough time convincing them to let me in with my laptop and my camera in my bag. I'm used to this. So it really didn't bother me much.

When I finally did get inside with Emm and Razz we went to the Inquiries desk and found that no one like Daniel had been brought in during the past week. But we were told, that since we were in the area, we should try the mortuary.

*gulp*

The fucking mortuary!

Yes, we debated it for a bit, but we finally agreed that we should go, just in case.

So we went to the mortuary and spoke to the cops there, and there were three bodies that had not been identified. I asked if i could see them. They agreed, and off we went to do body hunting.

When we went, the Emmster, bless her heart, wanted to come and see it with me. Trauma shared is trauma halved, she said. But somehow, I couldn't be anything but macho and I asked her to stay outside.

So I went and saw the bodies.

When I thought of the morgue I first thought CSI/24/X-Files kind of morgue. All stainless steel, and drawers, and antiseptic. Then I realised this was Sri Lanka, and the morgue was probably built in Colonial times, and started hoping for old-school freezers with ceramic tiles.

What I got, however, was a pile of bodies, many of them desiccated by the freezing in a 40foot refrigerated container. That's it. A literal pile of corpses. Many of them had the skulls open and the brains removed and the halves of the skulls were hanging on by strips of skin. The smell was, not too bad I guess. Either that, or my brain was so traumatised I had no idea what the hell was going on.

Now I've seen some horrendous stuff in my time. The '83 riots, the '89 JVP time, various accidents and stuff have left me pretty inured to it. But there was something really disturbing about a pile of corpses. I still can see the half-rotted and desiccated leg that was sticking out of the bottom of the pile. It wasn't freaky but it did disturb me quite a bit.

Then I went and had lunch. And beer.

Postscript:

Soon after publishing this we found that our friend was alive and well. That he was merely sick and not in the mood to talk to anyone. He will not be alive for much longer after I get my hands on him.

Oh the twitteration

Muse

I'm sure all of you have heard of twitter. If not, I guess Wikipedia will tell you more. Basically, for those of you who don't want to follow the links, it is a way of sending a status message to people who are following you. Remember status messages? They started off on Instant Messaging clients, and worked their way out from there. Even on IM clients, status messages were initially a way of saying, I'm not here or something equally innocuous. They soon became messages on how you were feeling and what you were doing. This trend soon spread. Forum status messages, MySpace, FaceBook. They all had status messages. Then came twitter.

FaceBook, MySpace, and LiveJournal made status messages a viable messaging format for many people. Status messages have become a way to add context to a person's actions. FaceBook status messages have been used in court cases to throw the case out, or to get the punishment increased.

Twitter enables and facilitates what is known as microblogging. It's like blogging on speed. Or blogging hors d'oevres. Small bites abut lots of them.

But I tried very hard to stay away from it. Twitter, and it's partner word tweeting was not for me. I prefer to write blogs. Of course, there have been many people who asked me, why are you not on twitter? That way we can know where you are and what you're doing.

For many of them I would use an illustration. I talk about what tweets could be like. And once, during one of the training sessions, I used Chanux's twitter account to prove it.

I need to shit

I'm in the bathroom

*urrrrggghhh*

*plop*

*ploplop*

*thbpthbpthbrrrrt

That was a shit of truly epic proportions.

It's fucking huge!

*flush*

You get the idea.

But twitter has its advantages. When I was in an accident, Chanux and Seejay were updating people about me using twitter. So they were very happy to hear that I would be on twitter. After all they were pushing me to get on the bandwagon for a while now.

But then one day Seejay told me something interesting. He was wondering if he could get updates on when my blog was updated using twitter. Now that was an interesting idea. Very interesting. After all, this blog is on Kottu and Feedburner. The goal is to make it easier for people to hear me screaming and shouting. So I went looking for a solution and found twitterfeed.

So now I'm on twitter. If you start following me, you can start getting updates on your twitter. But please be warned, I don't twitter. So all you'll get are updates from my blog feed, and I probably won't be reading anything that you send me via twitter.

tweet